Politics from the Palouse to Puget Sound

Monday, August 06, 2007

I Am Going to Kill Them

People who know me well know that I am not a violent person.

However, even those of us who believe in being peaceful, friendly, and who rolls with the flow will at some time hit the final point where peace is not an option.

This is different than being defensive. Like most red-blooded Americans I reserve my second amendment right to protect myself. The only time that would be used is in a defensive posture. Sometimes when it is you or them. Fight or flight. Being judged by twelve or carried by six. You have to choose. If my choice is fight, then I have what is necessary to protect myself and get out alive.

In some cases, however, you may have to go on the offensive and take a proactive approach to protecting yourself defensively. That is to say that sometimes you have to strike first in defense of yourself.

Why might you strike first? Lets say there is a group of beings that are unwilling to negotiate and who have a different outlook on life. There is no understanding between my life, my house, my property, and what they view as their life, their property, and their house.

If they should attack you while you're on your home turf, you might have to go to their home and wipe them all out in order to not get attacked again.

That is what happened today. I was going to BBQ in my backyard when a swarm of bees decided to use my stairs as their home. They attacked me unprovoked. I retreated. I went to the Grange and bought some bee killer. I went back to their home and killed them all.

Sorry to ruin everyone's impression of my peaceful laid back nature. Now have seen my violent side.


Tom Forbes said...

Scotty, I too have blood (or nectar or whatever) on my hands.

This year, for whatever reason, has been very bad for wasps in the Back 40 of the Bar-F Ranch, both ground wasps and paper wasps.

I have put up two Wasp Motels ("Wasps check in but they don't check out!") Business has been brisk and its hard to get a reservation (at least until I dump all the deadbeats into the trash.)

The paper wasps, however, prefer pitching their own tent to the swankier "Hornet Hilton." So I had to resort to chemical and biological warfare yesterday.

The biological agent was good ol' H20, administered at high pressure from the end of my hose.

This did not deter some latecomers who missed the dousing. They decided to congregate en masse on the former site of their nest. All I had was Raid Ant Killer, but it did the job like mustard gas at Ypres.

Embrace the hate, Scotty.

Paul E. Zimmerman, M.A. said...

That's what I do all day, every day, these days.

It's like I told a client who was worried that the rodent burrowing under her house might in fact be a cute and fuzzy bunny:

"They've got all that (the rest of the Palouse), and you've got this spot. They can make a home anywhere else."

And thus was placed the deadly powder.

'night, bunny.

Daniel F Schanze said...

I am all about being strapped. That's all I am saying scotty ;-).

Satanic Mechanic said...

I guess I am the "Chemical Ali" of the Palouse. I kill wasps and hornets all the time. People are surprised by the amount of poison I buy at the store.
The people at the store contacted the UN and are threatening to send Hans Blix in....
I guess the UN won't be happy with the amounts of Glyphosate I use on weeds and keeping my gravel driveway clean.

Pave the Planet!

Tom Forbes said...

I have to share my favorite wasp story. Paul, I’m sure you will appreciate it.

TIME: A hot, humid summer day in 1992
PLACE: Fort A.P. Hill, Virginia
SITUATION: During war games, the crew of a HMMWV from the 116th Infantry Brigade, 29th Infantry Division (Light), Virginia Army National Guard, dismounted to take a break near my squad’s position. We executed a hasty ambush and sent the Guardsmen scrambling. In order to break contact, one of them tossed a grenade simulator in our direction.

When the simulator (think really big M-80) went off, I was behind a tree changing magazines. As the smoke cleared, I charged forward after the fleeing Guardsmen. As I did so, I became aware of a stinging sensation on my legs. I looked down and I was covered from head to toe with angry wasps like in one of those horror movies. Seems the grenade simulator had landed right on top of a huge nest of them, and boy were they pissed.

The wasps weren’t having much luck stinging me through the heavy material of my BDU. But in places where the BDU was tighter (knees, elbows, etc.) they were more successful. Then of course, there was my face, which was not protected and that was now my immediate concern.

I had been wearing a camouflage hood, which I ripped off my head and used to swat the wasps away. I also started running as fast as I could AWAY from the nest, with all sorts of oaths, profanities, obscenities, and curses escaping from my lips. I finally escaped the wasps about 200 meters later.

My squad mates caught up with me a short while later, quite concerned about my health. They had been watching from above when they saw a grenade simulator go off and then a madman crashing the woods cussing at the top of his breath. My buddies figured the simulator had landed right in my lap.

I had been stung some 30 times, with about 10 or so stings on my face. My glasses had broken somewhere during the process. One of my squad mates was a paramedic. He was worried that I might go into anaphylactic shock. My squad flagged down some National Guardsmen on the road and about 45 minutes later an Army ambulance showed up. By that time, I was fine. Fortunately, I am not allergic to wasp stings.

I have a picture around somewhere that was taken after that. I’m quite a sight, with red welts showing through smeared camouflage face paint and glasses paracorded around my head (that’s when I decided to start wearing contacts.)

Paul E. Zimmerman, M.A. said...

Tom -

Great story! I didn't know you had served though. When was this?

Mr. Mechanic and Tom -

Pyrethrins are our friends (pyrethroids are ok, too). :)

I wish my residual sprays could incorporate more of a kick from those. Good ole' H20 provides some temporary knockdown, but only until a wasp's wings dry out.

Tom Forbes said...

I was part of a group of civilian specialists that were trained and equipped as Warsaw Pact forces. My own area of expertise was the National People's Army of the former German Democratic Republic. We served as OPFOR for various military units (National Guard, ROTC, etc.) in the DC/Maryland/Virginia area.

As it become obvious that the Cold War was really over for good, we had to expand our repertoire into mercenaries hired by drug lords and outlaw biker gangs! Remind me to tell you one day the story of the Cecil County Maryland Deputy Sheriff that had to be the bravest peace officer since Wyatt Earp.

Michael said...

Wasps should not be tolerated. Period! I used to take a live and let live approach to wasps, but they failed to hold up their end of the contract. Once, I was sitting on the back porch of my current home enjoying a beer with a friend who had helped me move in. We were minding our own business when a wasp landed on Bill's leg and stung him - totally unprovoked.
I had a similar experience the next day. I was doing something (I no longer recall what) when I felt a stinging sensation on my back. I am nearly immune to bee stings so the pain was minimal, but it kept creeping up my back. I am not terribly limber and there is a vast stretch of my back that I cannot touch, so the wasp managed to sting me several times before I was able to swat it.
I then tracked down the nest and destroyed it with poisons purchased at the hardware store.
I guiltily confessed my sins to an environmentalist/entomologist friend of mine. Instead of the lecture I expected he told me that I had done precisely the right thing and never should have tolerated wasps in the first place.
I did further research and learned a great deal about wasps that have helped me deal with them preemptively since.
If I remember, I will post what I have learned about wasp control next April, when the war begins. As for now, kill 'em all. There's nothing for God to sort out. They're all evil.

Paul E. Zimmerman, M.A. said...

I've just returned from Princeton, Idaho where I have spent the past four hours waging unrelenting jihad on a massive scale against the wasp infidels (and earlier in the day, I launched a successful sneak attack upon a nest of them at a U of I sorority house). I am happy to report that hundreds have perished and their homes have been razed. Up, humans! Down, wasps!