Let it be said that Barack Hussein Obama doth bringeth upon the land plentiful oil for our cars from a tire pump. And, he saw that it was good. Truly, he is The One. This week just passeth, Barack Obama showed that we must send the Bible back to the editors for updates and revisions. Certainly we will need to add a few new chapters, maybe even an entire “Modern Testament,” dedicated to proclaiming and witnessing for the new messiah.
Following up his Berlin address to the “citizens of the world” (inexplicably delivered in English), Obama descended upon this great land from the heavens and declared himself the chosen one, a task that Jesus left to others. On Monday, before swooning disciples he declared: “This is the moment . . . that the world is waiting for. I have become a symbol of the possibility of America returning to our best traditions.”
The following day, he spoke before an audience of unbiased journalists who gave him multiple standing ovations.
And he was just getting warmed up. After declaring himself The One and bringing unbiased journalists to their feet in applause, he stepped forth on Wednesday and solved the oil shortage in a most messianic fashion: “We could save all the oil that they’re talking about getting off drilling by making sure your tires are properly inflated.”
Truly it is a miracle. The 10 billion barrels of oil locked up by Congress in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, the 18 billion barrels locked up by Congress along the outer continental shelf, the 90 billion barrels elsewhere in the arctic, and the forbidden 1 trillion barrels in oil shale can all be replaced by airing up our tires? Who knew? Surely we need no more signs to reveal The One to us. But it’s worth reviewing the signs given us so far.
When thirst threatened the Jews in the Sinai wilderness, all that Moses managed to do was strike water from a rock. Big deal! When you think about it, that’s not so different from drilling a well. Jesus fed thousands with but 5 loaves of bread and two fishes. But anybody who has dined in an elegant restaurant recently knows all about small portions. Surely, Barack Hussein Obama’s oil miracle surpasses all who came before.
And when we start viewing Barack Hussein Obama in the light of a true messiah and not simply a candidate for the most powerful office in the world, his supposed lack of experience comes into new perspective. What were Moses’ credentials? He was nothing more than the spoiled, adopted son of a pharaoh. Jesus was naught but a carpenter and a fisherman before embarking upon his ministry. Where in either of their work histories does one find the qualifications for the roles into which they stepped? The preparations do not measure up to Obama’s. Not only did Barack Hussein Obama spend two whole years in the United States Senate before declaring his candidacy but, previously he worked with the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now (ACORN). So he certainly knows all about voter fraud.
And what about that blank space on Barack Hussein Obama’s resume under the heading for “accomplishments?” Well, Barack Obama helped Nation of Islam leader, Louis Farrakhan, organize the Million Man March. Is that so different from Moses leading the Egypt’s Jews to the Promised Land?
Jesus attracted a sizable crowd to the Temple Mount, but did he have rock bands as warm up acts, as Obama did in Portland and Berlin?
And how dare anyone point out Barack Hussein Obama's unsavory associations? Certainly Barack Obama sat for more than two decades listening to the sermons of an America hating racist. And he does count among his friends a couple of domestic terrorists whose only regrets are that they didn’t detonate enough bombs. He has wallowed in the company of the corrupt political fixers that have tainted the Chicago political scene for generations. And he numbers among his closest advisers people involved in the subprime mortgage scandal and the man who enabled the pardon auction that Bill Clinton held at the end of the reign. But didn’t Jesus himself mix with prostitutes and Roman tax collectors? After all, if you’re going to spread the word, you have to go where the sinners are.
So, follow your mainstream news media overlords at ABC, NBC, CBS and CNN, and bow down before Barack Hussein Obama. He is the chosen one – chosen by them.