"Hats off? Over my dead body"

This is Tom Henderson's editorial in today's Lewiston Tribune. "These people have blogs, and they're not afraid to use them." You don't suppose he's talking about us gun nuts here at Palousitics do you? Should I invite Henderson to Lollapalousitics, Three Hours of Peace (Through Superior Firepower) and Music?

Moscow Mayor Nancy Chaney suggested - very diplomatically - that it might not be a good idea to allow guns at public meetings.

Second Amendment advocates (you know, gun nuts) immediately went three shades of crazy. Not just in this area either.

These people have blogs, and they're not afraid to use them. They got their pals from all over the country to chime in on what's happening in little ol' Moscow, Idaho.

Chaney was called everything from a communist to a wolf to some things that are downright unflattering - not to mention unprintable.

A lot of these guys apparently have serious anger control problems. And they wonder why people want to take away their guns.

Of course, few people really want to take away their guns. Not even Chaney wants to do that. She just questions the wisdom of packing heat at the library advisory board meeting.

You know what kills me (no pun intended) about all this? It's two things. The first is that there are people so scared about being attacked that they feel they must go everywhere fully armed.

These are the same people who lecture the rest of us about courage.

But what really gets me is this strange indifference toward the Washington Legislature.

We must preserve our right to keep and bear arms at cemetery board meetings because, supposedly, Big Brother is pushing us around. He's telling us what we can - and cannot - do during with the most basic activities in our lives.

You want to talk basic? I don't own guns, but I do own hats. As my hairline continues to retreat to the back of my neck, I find myself wearing hats more and more. Now totalitarian forces in Washington state are pressuring the Legislature to tell me I can't wear hats in banks. Or sunglasses either.

Bank robbers often wear hats and sunglasses to conceal their identities from security cameras. So what? Bank robbers also like to wave guns.

Should we make it a crime to brandish firearms in banks?

Wait a minute. We already do.

The point is, why should my head get cold just because hats are also fashionable among bank robbers?

Hats don't rob banks. People rob banks. The West wasn't won by guys without hats. They can take my hat when they pry it off my cold, dead scalp. If hats are outlawed, only outlaws will have hats.

I saw this coming. A few years back, my bank said it was against its "policy" for me to come in wearing a rubber Richard Nixon mask. Within a few years, even locally owned and operated banks refused to let customers wear Nixon masks.

Soon after the whole mask debacle, I was forced to change banks. The branch manager blew it way out of proportion when I came in one day and yelled, "Everyone put your hands where I can see them." I have a phobia about germs. These people are going to be handling my money. I want to make sure their hands are clean.

Once again, the government is using a few bad apples to take away all of our rights.

I am 6-foot-6 and weigh more than 300 pounds. Do you really think wearing a hat is going to disguise my identity? I can just picture John Walsh on "America's Most Wanted":

"Tonight we need your helping in finding a scumbag who robbed a bank in Washington state. You can't miss him. He's is built like a gigantic teddy bear. Well, tonight let's take the stuffing out of this plush toy."

Seriously, we need to stop this tyranny. Sure, I can live without bringing an uzi to a planning and zoning commission meeting, but it only starts with banning guns.

Next, you can't wear hats inside banks. What's next? You can't send a stripper to your son's elementary school for his birthday?

So much for freedom.