Politics from the Palouse to Puget Sound

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Better Late Than Never

I had planned to post this on Christmas Eve, but was having too much fun with my family. Belated Merry Christmas to all!


Twas the night before
Christmas, and all through the town
Not a creature was stirring, though there were plenty of frowns;
Shopper’s had a way to go,
To find presents that make people glow;
Pullman was nestled all snug in their beds,
Dreaming of a Super Wal-Mart in their heads;
And I in my kerchief and pa in his cap,
Had just trudged in from our long shopping trek;
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I dropped my bags to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters, threw open the sash.
The light from the tree on the new-fallen snow;
Gave shine to those I could make out below;
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a shiny red car with PARDners, I fear.
With T.V. the driver, so silly and inane,
I knew in that moment I had gone insane.
More rapid than buzzards his henchmen appeared,
And he whistled and shouted, and called them by name,
“Now Lupke! Now Hosick! Now Orlich and Harris!
On Gruenewald! On Rogers! On Hammond and Hooks!
To the UCFW! To the courts of the land!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash
away all!”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they decided no Wal-Mart, they went for the sky.
So up they flew,
Holding Pullman hostage in their chaos and ado;
With their heads full of thoughts to protect people from themselves,
They managed to alienate even Santa’s elves.
And then in a twinkling I saw my tax bill,
Oh what to do, Pullman’s coffers we must fill.
No increase in police or fire, Troy Woo says things look mighty dire.
Pullman needs a Wal-Mart, It’s time to get smart.
As bundles of dollars cross east to Idaho,
Pullman’s wallet gets slimmer as we go.

PARD says you’re crazy,
All Wal-Mart will do is make us lazy;
Deer testicles will shrivel and the dead will awake,
As the semi’s filled with drivel will release their air brakes.
Old people will live in fear
And schoolchildren will be run-down far and near.
Not to mention the RV’s that will visit
And in that parking lot sit;
Why the riff-raff will roam,
This will certainly ruin Pullman, our home.
People would be out of work,
And in Rico’s alleys they will lurk.

All Wal-Mart wants is a chance to start their work,
Yet PARD continues to play the jerk.
PARD, Wal-Mart has rights, to build on their land,
You’ve held Pullman hostage in the grip of your hand.
Now in the spirit of the season
Dig deep in your hearts, searching for reason,
The fight is over, the deal is done, a shovel in sight,
Wal-Mart and Pullman tell PARD,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”

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