"Not rich or white, but he was male"

More on the UW Pappy Boyington controversy, this time from commentator Michael Costello in yesterday's Lewiston Tribune. Michael's satirical take on Political Correctness run amuck is hilarious. A version of this column with web links can be found at Michael's blog The Pajamahadin

Clearly the student senators at the University of Washington have earned their certifications for that school's upper division political correctness curriculum. Asked if they would approve a memorial to World War II hero and University of Washington graduate Gregory (Pappy) Boyington, the senators gave a thumbs down on the basis that the university already had too many memorials to "rich white men."

In doing so, they demonstrated the clarity of thinking that would qualify them to write for the news division at the New York Times, sit in the anchor's chair at a major broadcast network, or get a teaching certificate from Washington State University.

In characterizing Boyington as a rich white man, the senators were correct once: Boyington was a man. That gives them a score of 33 percent on content, which easily deserves at least a B-plus. There's no reason to pollute their minds with the facts that Boyington was a Coeur d'Alene-born Indian who was poor throughout his life.

What really matters is the A-plus the senators earned by slurring all men, all people of pallor, and all who prosper after graduation from the U as unworthy of recognition. Historical accuracy be damned! What matters is that these senators have properly absorbed the proper measure of cultural bigotry. The only thing missing from their smear is a reference to his sexual orientation. Surely there exists nothing on this planet more loathsome than a rich white heterosexual man.

Further, Boyington warranted his disrespect from the student senate for killing people. Murderers like Boyington are not the sort of person that the University of Washington should be producing, the senators concluded.

Pappy Boyington was the Marine Corps' top fighter ace in the Pacific theater during World War II. He is credited with destroying enemy planes, including six he destroyed with the Fighting Tigers in China before the United States was officially in the war. For defending the evil United States and killing his nation's enemies, he deserved no more plaudits than that other famous serial murderer and Ewe Dub graduate, Ted Bundy.

Now that they have gained certification for upper division education, I would advise the senators to step up and take on a real rich white man who also killed people who is certainly even less deserving of recognition than Boyington. This vermin's name was George Washington, and the Ewe Dub is named after him. And so, every building, tree, every blade of grass on campus is a monument to the murderous rich white male who killed people and is even more disgusting than Boyington because Washington owned slaves. And as Boyington fought to defend his country, Washington is actually the father of this, the most oppressive and imperialist nation on earth.

If the University of Washington student senators are to move up to the next level, they should introduce a resolution demanding that the university rename itself, with a suggestion that the Washington Legislature rename the entire state.

Future projects for Ewe Dub students could be renaming the Columbia River. After all, this river is not named for the country that supplies one of the Puget Sound's favorite recreational drugs. It's named after that genocidal monster, Christopher Columbus. As a historic teammate of Adolf Hitler, he deserve to have his named expunged from the maps of the world.

Renaming the city of Seattle is another worthy project. After all, Seattle is an Indian name and a favorite cause of the cultural left is assuming that any use of Indian names is disrespectful and should be ended. When the Seahawks played the team from Washington, D.C., in the NFC playoff game, the Seattle Times rewrote its stylebook to minimize uses of their opponent's nickname. The Puget Sound culture is clearly prepared for this.

Those are just a few suggestions. I have more ideas. If Ewe Dub's upper division political correctness majors need an adviser, I humbly offer my services. As you can plainly see, I know what earns points with people you need to impress.

On her Web site, Jill Edwards, one of those senators, tried to explain herself: "I talked more than I ever have before and realized exactly why I never talk. I am thouroughly (sic) regretting opeining (sic) my mouth."

Well said. You shouldn't let English or history distract you from your education.